Some Definitions*

I was thinking the other day about skiing and I found this marvellous little book I have had for years… There are some interesting definitions, very silly but some ring rather true! A reminder of why we love this rather silly sport!

Dryland Training:
A Physical workout or practice session undertaken off the slopes or out of skiing season. THere are a number of exercises and drills that can help skiers develop the stamina and techniques they need for the sport. Here are a few of the best:
– Stand in one place for five minutes, then take 2 steps forward. Repeat
– Attache a cinder block to eack foot with old belts or duct tape and walk up and down a flight of stairs
– Sit on a window ledge with your skis in your lap for 30 minutes
– Tie your ankles together, lie flat on the floor, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet
– Put your car in neutral and push it for 100 yards
– Grasp a credit card in your nonwriting hand, then sign your name 100 times

Nursery Slope
A gentle hill reserved for beginning skiers, so named because in such areas there is a great deal of whining and crying, most of the motion is done on all fours, no one can figure out how to go to the bathroom, and everyone wants to go home.

Mogul
A bump or mound of snow formed by turns made by skiers in soft snow. The word was once thought to be derived from mugel , an Alpine term for a hump or knoll, but more likely candidates are meugal, a nasty surprise; mogulungen, to turn upside down; gehmogell, to curse; or moogal, a large bruise.

Alpine
Formal name for downhill skiing, one of half a dozen distinct styles found in the sport. The others are Nordic (cross-country), Norpine (telemarking), Fanatic (powder skiing), Moronic (tree-skiing in wooded glades), Asinine (snowboarding), and Supine (reclining on a sofa in a nice cozy chalet with a feigned ski injury).

Instructor
Canny individual who, after years of struggling to profit from his or her own skiing mistakes, has finally figured out how to profit from other peoples.

No offense intended towards snowboarders or ski instructors!!

*Credit due entirely to the little book “Skiing” by Henry Beard and Roy McKie (Workman Publishing Company Inc, USA, 2002)

Clare

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